Why are people becoming so difficult?

I just selected a few new IDs to send cards to and each one of these people have very specific “rules” as to the types of cards they will accept. Excuse me? I signed up for postcrossing with the mindset that people will send me whatever THEY like or have on hand because it’s about learning about other people and their ways of life, not about your own. I guess if I send you a card that you don’t like, you can kindly register it and then throw it away.

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It’s kind of hard when people are a bit too specific. Or come off as kind of rude. Obviously people can have likes and dislikes. Of course we want cards we like! But some people can get a little like, “I want this. You better NOT get me that or else!” I try to keep an open mindset. I’ll accept almost anything. I think it’s part of postcrossing to get all sorts of cards, maybe even ones you’ve never heard of! I think it takes away the fun when you get too picky. I’m not sure how to help you there though. (Everything I said was not to be mean or point fingers by the way. I don’t want to upset anyone)

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I remember going on postcrossing and being so enthusiastic that I drew my first five addresses immediately. I had like about four ‘real’ postcards I think, but I figured I could always use some of my blank postcards to create something new.

And then I remember getting quite demanding profiles, which was a bit of a shock.

In the end, I just sent whatever I had and not one person didn’t register it and they were overall quite nice.

I personally do not have any preferences stated on my profile, though I can see the appeal of them, but for me personally it would be a bit boring to receive a lot of the same type of cards.

Strangely enough I do like matching wishes, now that I know what the most common ones sort of are, but generally these wishes are pretty easy to fulfill and most people state that they’d like any postcard regardless.

But yea, sometimes you get a profile that kind of has you scratching your head with the very specific list on there, and an overall tone that you would almost consider ‘passive aggressive’.

Usually, I just shrug and write them a postcard. I’ve not had a rude Hurray message yet, so they probably didn’t mean for their profile to read as demanding as it does.

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I wish there were better rules on wishes. It’s not enough to say that you can have some but they can be ignored. I think there should be a structured way to put in maybe three card interests, under a heading or in a box that made it clear that they are just in case you happen to have something that matches. Then the rest of your profile would have to be about you.

When I open a profile that just says I’m Mary, I live here, I would like to receive these 102 things but not these 42 very similar things I don’t feel at all inspired to read the list of children’s book authors and cheese makers. I want to know who I’m writing to. Once I know who the person is, I can choose a nice card for them. If I barely have their name, why would I bother?

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This is part of the problem. This is not a postcard collecting site. If you want a specific collection of cards, there are places for this.

I like to think of Postcrossing as international friendly speed dating via the medium of post. You’ve got a few minutes to prepare something that you give to someone else. That is a lovely thing. We are otters looking for a pretty rock to give our otter friend. If that otter only accepts rocks of one colour and no duplicates, you are no longer giving them a gift, you are doing their shopping.

I recently sent a card to a person whose full profile was roughly this:

Local foods
Local buildings
Local outfits

I am a dentist and I live in Spain.

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While I agree that demanding profiles are annoying, I don’t feel this would be the solution. It’s great for people who collect, because they can then get cards for their collections, but may others put several wishes precisely to make it easier for people to feel comfortable with what they send.

This is a very personal preference. I’ve never understood the need to know people’s biography, when you’re never going to have anything to do with them again. Therefore, I naturally don’t provide such a biography, because I don’t need you to know anything about me. I accept that I’m an average, boring person, so I have nothing interesting to put in a profile about myself.

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well to me postcrossing is about getting to know new people. i feel that if you don’t wanna share anything about yourself, you don’t wanna know anything about me. so i would have no idea what to write about. probably the weather.

i don’t talk a lot about myself on my profile either (i think) but even just the fact that i have a cat makes people talk about their own pets.

but. the reason i have a longer list with wishes is because i know a lot of people like it when they get a profile with wishes. i do state on my profile that it’s just to give people some ideas and that you can always send me what you love yourself. which i do truly mean, i have learnt about so many new things thanks to postcrossing, that would never happen if i had a very specific wishlist.

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I’ve had the “send me anything” requests backfire on me, I once sent a postcard to someone and the message they sent back was quite rude. The image on the card I sent reminded them of their father who had passed away and it upset them deeply and they were upset with me about it, but how was I supposed to know a renaissance painting would do that, they didn’t mention it in their profile. I think if a certain card might trigger you, you may want to mention it.

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I think it’s harder when someone would only have three wishes. Many wishes are more likely to have something I can find. Often the short wish lists are like “sports stadiums, local sports team, famous athlete from your country”, or “trains, train stations, steam engines”.

But, every one can send what postcard they want.
If the profile seems too bossy, just report it :+1:

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These can both be summarised in one word (sports or trains would cover all bases) and they are easy to include in a profile in a more useful way. I much prefer reading a profile and looking for a connection or a clue. All in plain English of course.

I’m a retired train driver and I love everything about rail transport.
My biggest hobby is sports but only as a spectator!

If we were given limited wishes, I would prefer for it to be framed as suggestions. A little blurb on the side that just lists a few special interests in case the sender is struggling.

Bob would be very happy with a card showing flowers.

SURPRISE! Welcome to postcrossing.

You gotta roll with the punches on this and not let s*** get to you. Besides with official cards you will get random people some will have outlandish requests and you have choices let it get to you or send a card and move on or don’t and let it expire after 60 days. You will never see them again nor ever meet them so don’t worry.

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I don’t think not sending the postcard to the requested address is a choice.

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I specifically say on my profile I want to know something you want to tell, me like a secret or a rant you can’t tell anyone else. A moment in someone’s life, rather than ‘My name is…, I am this, I live here, these are my kids’. The former can be interesting, even if you don’t know someone, and it may stay with you for a long time. The latter, for many, is just noise and something you forget the minute you’ve read it.

This is why I never managed to stay pen pals with someone for very long as a kid; I just could find an interest in a stranger’s everyday life.

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Yes, and that’s why it’s difficult if these three, for me same theme, are the only wishes.
But, what if they only like cards with these themes, and have no personal connection to these? How do you then include it in the profile.

I think lists are easy to look, but if it’s all in a text, then I must look it back and forth.

But, I am happy that there are many styles of profiles.
It would be boring if every profile were made using a form.

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This I agree (partly), because sometimes people write about themselves so nicely, that I already know which card I want to send to them. (And I think, please let there be no DONT’-list :slight_smile: )

But, I also like people writing to me, not knowing anything about me.
Will they write different things if I change my profile to be a man? A dog?

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that is not an option. you can’t just decide for yourself when and when not you want to send a card to someone.

this. i think there are some great ideas here but at the same time i wouldn’t like it if all profiles looked the same. sometimes someone doesn’t have a wishlist, just some text and i think i have the perfect card for them. sometimes people do have a wishlist and i’m glad they do.
the only problem i have is people with very specific wishes, like the train example above. or some people just have a list of names of people or tv shows i have no idea who they are.
and with exception with phobias i don’t like people with don’t send me this and that lists. especially for people who just start with postcrossing it’s very discouraging to have only a few cards and then read you can’t send any of those.

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I have a collection of train postcards. One of my hobbies is collecting items to do with sports stadiums such as postcards and other souvenirs. I love flowers, I very much enjoy tending to them in my garden.

I’ve got hundreds and still can’t match the most popular of wishes - view cards. Where am I meant to get these in a pandemic?

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So do I, but I don’t enjoy most flower postcards :see_no_evil: I love my cats and can’t live without them for a longer time… always had cats, but it’s like my least favourite animal on postcards (pets in general)… I enjoy many TV shows, but I don’t like film frame postcards too much… or in short: my postcard preferences don’t match my normal life interests :sweat_smile:

I prefer the combination of a short personal introduction and - if there are any - topics people particulary enjoy seeing on postcards (wishlists). Which doesn’t mean they wouldn’t enjoy others. Some of my coolest cards received had nothing to do with my “wishlist”. And everybody will enjoy certain card themes more than others, and it’s nothing bad - it doesn’t say that other themes are not liked. If I don’t have any matching cards, I go for something else. I don’t mind and I don’t feel bad then. Even not as an absolute beginner. I read the FAQ and knew those were only specific wishes that don’t need to get fulfilled.

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It is a matter of freedom to list as many wishes as you wish to. You are free to list just three wishes or even no wishes at all as you claimed elsewhere some time ago, but it is not okay to rule others that way.

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No, wishing for certain kinds of cards is not part of the problem, for a wish is just a wish!
Part of the problem is
a) people, who read “wish” and understand “command”.
b) people, who cannot deal with the freedoms of others and want to rule them like dictators!

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