Hello all, I am getting back into Postcrossing after a long hiatus and remembering why I love it so much. In my profile I have a list of general themes which I enjoy, but specify multiple times that I am happy with any card I could ever possibly receive. Here’s why I do that: postcrossers are not made of money, time, energy, or resources. How can I demand certain things? I am excited to receive any card, truly, because I love the excitement of receiving mail from across the world and seeing what someone else sent me. I have been blessed to receive so many interesting and beautiful cards and items this way.
But my excitement decreased a bit when I got an address with a really incredibly demanding wishlist, with a huge list of “NOs” and “Do not send this” and even saying to check their received cards so they don’t receive duplicates. to me, this is not in the spirit of postcrossing. I feel hurt when I get a profile on this free, kind, loving website that is making demands of me so they can “collect” “nice” postcards. I checked the rules and don’t see what other posts on here refer to as wishlists being against the rules.
I have a large collection of cards on many different topics. In my area, it is hard to access tourist cards of where I live and I can’t just spend lots of money to buy cards when I already have a whole box. I also am not able to easily go shopping. I also don’t know that I feel I should have to do that to satisfy this postcrosser, honestly.
What do I do in this situation? I feel it’s so unfair to use postcrossing this way. And I also don’t have a single card to satisfy their specifications. Of course I will send them a card but knowing they will be upset with whatever I send is scary to me. Is it okay to say on the text of the card that I do not have a card that satisfies their list, but I read it and I tried? I’m just frustrated because this type of profile, type of demanding is not natural to me and I find I don’t understand it.
Just wondering if anyone know where the anti-demands rule is and what to do in this situation. What do you do when you get a somewhat “mean” and “demanding” profile? Just wondering if I am alone in this frustration.
Thank you all for making up this wonderful community.
I really respect everyone who writes that they would still send a great card with a great message to very picky profiles.
I’ll admit, I’m sometimes a bit bitter, and I can only actively remember one profile in my whole PC career, where it was SO dreadfully demanding (and of course with unusual demands) that I sent a card I wanted to get rid of (and knew she probably wouldn’t like) and just wrote “happy Postcrossing” (in my usual handwriting, which is difficult to read!). Am I proud of this moment? No. Do I regret it? Also no.
It’s been a few years since then (didn’t know I should report this Profile at the time) and have not come across any Profile that has been so demanding since.
Sometimes, if I feel overwhelmed with choosing a card because I am afraid that the person will not like it because it is not on their wishlist, I’ll look through some of their received cards and see if other people send them things not on their list (spoiler: more often than not, other people have sent cards not on their list!). It makes me feel a little more confident like “if they did it, so can I!”
I wonder if many of us suffer from people pleasing? I know I do. So finally being able to not sweat the small stuff when getting demanding profiles (usually) has been very relieving for me.
Also, I think @S_Tuulia’s comment above about how women and men go about thinking about these things differently very interesting.
Welcome back - to the wonderful world of post’x’ing - yes it is wonderful
Many of us are here looking for something or the other, aren’t we? For some, it’s reflected in their "demanding profile” as you put it, for others like us, it’s
Please don’t get frustrated & enjoy this as you did earlier. It’s not an obligation to match the demands, is it?
After all, “we’re here to connect, the collect part is a simple by product of it ”
Thanks for sharing & hope we come across some where.
I wouldn’t acknowledge their demands at all - that’s not what Postcrossing is about.
You’ve spent some of your precious time & energy checking to see if you had anything that would fit their demands & you don’t, so it’s time to do something for yourself.
I’d chose a card I’d like to see on my wall & send it out & don’t worry about their reaction. At worst, they might send you a grumpy return message, but you’ve done your best & now you get to enjoy the rest of Postcrossing which is mostly full of friendly & welcoming folks who be delighted to receive any card from you.
Don’t let the few demanding, grumpy types take that Postcrossing joy away from you!
This message pops up when drawing addresses these days:
“This is a periodic reminder that Postcrossing is about connecting, not collecting. It’s about embracing serendipity! Feel free to use profiles as inspiration, but please know that you can send any postcard you’d like or have available. Happy Postcrossing!”
And a reminder to collectors, that Postcrossing is not about collecting:
Welcome back, @gregbert !
You can also find it in the Community Guidelines:
“Use your profile to write about yourself.
Your account’s profile is the place where others can learn more about you, so please enter a few sentences. If you mention which postcards you like in your profile, keep in mind that others are not obliged to send you a postcard that matches your preferences. You can not make demands about what you want or don’t want to receive.”
I know demanding profiles can dampen your enthusiasm or feel annoying. It happens to me as well, despite having a stash of several thousand cards. Luckily, I live in a very touristy area and can get viewcards of my region easily - be it cities, historic monuments or landscapes. So this is what I send if all else fails.
But as others have written in this thread, many postcrossers with seemingly demanding profiles have surprised me by responding very positively to non-wishlist cards I sent, and actually these happy encounters are very much the majority!
Welcome back! I’d regard wishes as wishes. If I can fulfil them it’s fine, but if I cannot fulfil them, they get someting else on the card.
Edit: I am no online dealer, so they cannot place orders at me.
Besides the places others have already pointed out, there’s also a reminder right on the page where you edit your profile, which says this:
“ Reminder: please use your profile to write about yourself. Making demands about what you want or don’t want to receive is not allowed by the Community Guidelines and may put your account at risk.”
As far as what to do in these situations, for one thing if it’s that bad you could report the profile to the Postcrossing team. Doing so doesn’t really help you any, because you will never draw the same profile again, but you’ll be helping people who draw their address in the future to have a more positive experience.
Besides that, I would suggest sending your least favorite card, not in an attempt to “punish” them or anything, but because it doesn’t feel as sad as sending a card you love to someone who you don’t think will appreciate it. And who knows, if you’re that different of people, maybe your least favorite card will be their favorite!
The only time I would mention not having something on a wish list is if there’s a way to put a positive spin on it as part of a real message, for example: “I wish I had a card of X to send you, because I too love X, in fact. . .” (insert story about X.)
I don’t know what the rules are on postcrossing on requestion blank cards, I personally struggle with this, it seems more about collecting cards rather than connecting. I suppose that each one their choice…
I ran across this recently. Not going to happen as it signals collector to me.
Although I like to find a card the recipient will like, I never feel obliged to do so. If I have nothing they might like, I send a card I love myself, it says something about me, I guess.
But if the profile gives me a negative feeling because of too demanding about postcards I just send a card I want to get rid of ( in a polite way: my least favorite card) but still I write down something nice and sometimes decorate the card as well, done my part. Well that probably says also something about me. Luckily this hardly happened so far. Reminder: Postcrossing is a hobby and a hobby means fun for you!
I agree. I drop it in the box thinking “They probably won’t be very happy, but I’m fine with them registering it, and we both move on.”
Again, you are not obligated to meet anyone’s demand for a specific card, blank, in envelope, with ‘real’ stamps or any other things they may ask for.
You are required to send a postcard. That is all. Literally anything else is above and beyond and not required.
I received a message like that once too. The user had a profile with a bunch of topics listed and I chose one that I thought I had the perfect card for. In her Hurray message, she expressed her disappointment about why I didn’t send her a tourist card, because her husband is from my area and she would have liked one. Well A, tourist cards don’t exist for my specific locale, I have to travel to get ones from beaches nearby. B, How would I know her husband was from here? It wasn’t in her profile.
The rules are (as found in the FAQs):
“All postcards you receive will be written and stamped. Postcrossing is not to collect blank postcards as there is always some communication (in the postcard) from the sender to the receiver.”
I still don’t get this idea that Postcrossers are not allowed to collect cards. I joined 13 years ago in hopes of adding to my Native American collection. I am still here sending out cards (doing my best to send nice ones with good stamps) and rejoicing when I get an Indigenous card. I follow all the rules, am a good member, send free cards to newbies, send free cards in the North Am forum but get shamed each time I read that my motives for participating are wrong because I am not “connecting”. As long as I am here I will still celebrate getting a Native card…it’s my fun and no one is going to spoil that.
@Izzy2018 No one said you’re not allowed to collect or request certain cards. As long as you are following the rules, anything additional you request (as long as it is a request and not a demand) is fine.
I have sent what I thought was the ‘perfect’ card, only to receive a basic Thank You. Disappointing, but doesn’t deter me from trying to send what I feel is exactly what they’d like in future.
I guess if there are hard to please -profiles, there are hard to please -senders as well.
But to me, just as I can send any card, any registration is ok too. The amount of words (at least from me) doesn’t tell how much or little I like the card. Sometimes I just quickly register, and maybe later read more carefully.
But I feel a little guilty now too, as I have told just write thank you (if they don’t know what to write).
For some reason I think it’s good to register quickly, and not wait the writing mood, because then maybe the other one waits, maybe I forget.
And I also understand it can feel disappointing, when/if some kind of comment was expected.
If that’s the feeling, it is.