Hard to Please?

Yes, there is such a thing as a disappointing Hurray message as far as I’m concerned. It’s momentary, where I get over it. We’re talking once in a great while, not that I’m expecting that often at all. For example: the person mentioned being a huge dog person, so it was a dog image card, and dog stamps. That sort of thing …


I have to admit I am not good at writing thank you messages. There are often cards that I am so happy about to receive but I struggle to find the propper words to thank someone. Then I only write: Thank you for your card. I am so happy I found it in my mailbox today. I guess this sounds generic but I really struggle to express my thanks properly.


You can collect cards, but this issue keeps coming up because people DEMAND cards for their collections & nothing else & are often quite grumpy about people not fulfilling their demands. It’s a small but vocal minority on Postcrossing.


I’m fairly new to postcrossing, but I’m not looking through anyone’s received list to sure they don’t have duplicates. I thought postcrossing was about connecting and learning about other people and places. If you’re here for collecting postcards maybe go to the forums and do swaps?


I’m glad I haven’t gotten any grumpy people. My biggest request is that someone writes about themselves or their location or animals - just write something please. I admit I’m disappointed when I get a card that just says happy postcrossing, but I try not to be grumpy, I just say thank you for the card.


You probably like getting a hurray message from me! I probably write too much back. :joy:. I comment on the written part of the card, on the card, on the stamps if they are special, and if it’s from someplace I’ve been or want to go to I might ask a question or make a comment about the locale. :joy:. I sometimes wonder if people hate my long messages


I know exactly what you’re talking about. Your feelings are very normal to me.

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I will just participate as I want, but I suggest you dial back the self appointed gate keeping:
“And a reminder to collectors, that Postcrossing is not about collecting”

Just do your own thing and let others do theirs; in the end we will all have an enjoyable experience


Just amplifying what Postcrossing subscribes to & we wouldn’t need to keep having this discussion if some collectors didn’t keep putting people, especially new people, off with their demands.


How is that “self appointed”?
Of course there are collectors, but Postcrossing is not for that/them, which still doesn’t mean collectors couldn’t join. (The text there says: “the goal of this project is not for collectors to complete their collections” )

Like a cafeteria is not meant for studying, but you still can study there, but you can’t demand quiet surrounding and empty table for your studying material.

No one is going to come to anyone’s home and see what they do with their postcards.

But collectors also have agreed that they can get any postcard, how the sender chooses to write it etc.

So collectors like: I ONLY collect cards about A, no stickers, etc.
This is not what Postcrossing is for.

But: “I collect cards about A but also like x, y and z and will be happy to get card what card you choose.” Sounds like not se serious collector, but can be.

(I didn’t read your profile and am not talking about you but just in general.)


Someone I sent to recently asked that we peruse their collection to avoid duplicates – they’ve received over 20,000 cards! I noped right out of that and sent a card I bought from an artist at a street market. No guarantee this person hasn’t received it before, but I guess it’s less likely. But it just smacks of a lack of awareness!


I wonder if they are able to keep track themselves… I don’t believe it is humanly possible to remember so many.


After all these years with postcrossing I recently got a postcrosser suggesting I look at their “received” postcards to avoid duplicates and this postcrosser had received thousands of postcards. I didn’t know how to feel about this. I actually started looking at the “received” postcards and did this for at least 3 minutes. It may not sound long but I got through only 4 pages. Then I realized this is going to take awhile. So I stopped and picked something I liked and hopefully the person didn’t have. My time was limited as I had an appointment to get to. I even wrote that on the postcard. I was kinda shocked by the request but it is what it is. Can’t change people.


I recently had one who suggested to look the cards to avoid duplicates. Over 10k cards. Well first i looked up all the “from Finland” since i was going to send tourist card. But that just because i enjoy looking throught the galleries, sent, received, favourites - i always check the galleries, - fun for me! But i don’t assume that others will check mine, all go through thousands of my favorites to see if they have a card from there to send. I just love collecting beautiful cards to my fav. Wall. Tiny side hobby :smile:


Though I don’t have 20,000 but around 10,000 I can say (for me): No! It was easy until, let’s say 5,000, but then…

I came across cards I wanted to have so badly that I thought I really have them but I don’t. Or I got cards long before when I wasn’t interested in that typical kind but after years I suddenly liked them but didn’t remember I received them.
Therefore I really don’t care about duplicates and don’t expect people to browse my collections.

The only exception is for specific RR and if it’s a very small collection - but even then I don’t tell if it’s a duplicate - there’s still a different text


I don’t know if, as a relatively new Postcrosser who has only sent out 3 postcards so far, I am entitled to comment on this topic, but I will try to give my two cents regarding various points raised in this thread after reading some of the posts.

First of all, I have nothing against collectors without being a postcard collector myself, period. (There is no ‘BUT’ to follow :smiley:)

I got that the primary purpose of postcrossing is not collecting, but connecting. Nevertheless, I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive or necessarily sit at opposite ends. Rather, I think one complements another to make this activity all the more enjoyable. Unless one is of the type of person who throws away all his/her postcards after receiving them, there is a collecting aspect to postcrossing. We appear to be ‘quarrelling’ because some members talk more from the perspective of collectors, while others from that of connectors (is this an actual word in English? :sweat_smile:). Fair enough, we are all different humans having different opinions.

Then about pleasing people. I am the type of person dedicated to public service so naturally I like to please people. People in my surrounding often describe me as ‘generous’ because I would go ‘over and beyond’ to accomodate them in their preferred way. However, my motivation is purely self-centered (not in the pejorative sense of the word); the starting point is MYSELF – I do so because it’s immensely gratifying to me to brighten someone’s day with a little something. Others’ happiness makes me happy. So I would say if you have any qualm after reading someone’s profile that seems demanding, if this activity ceases to please yourself, you need not force yourself into pleasing that person.

Lately, because I am running the Stamp Out War: Support Ukraine project, everyday I skim through Postcrossing’s database to select 5-6 members who are mostly likely to respond favourably to my invitation to join this global initiative (note that unlike the Forum’s message system that has no visible limitation, Postcrossing’s message system sets an upper limit to the number of messages I can send out per day). This means that I read a lot of profiles everyday in order to personalise the invitation, and by so doing come across all kinds of different people with different wishes (which some may count as demands). I am not in the habbit of judging people based on a small facade they chose to reveal to the community, so I don’t get any particular ‘offense’ by some of the things people include in their profiles.


I know you are talking about people in general, and indeed, in most thinkable cases it’s not really humanly possible, but I should like to point out to the existence of a very small percentage of possessors of eidetic memory, which in the visual context, is often called photgraphic memory. They would be capable of keeping track of every postcard they received – and they are still human!

Another type of people who I think can nearly behave like a possessor of eidetic memory is a (more or less pathalogical) hoarder in the medical sense of the word. As an OCD patient who happens to be equipped with very good memory for certain types of information (which is so good that some of my friends consider it eidetic, but I know it’s not), I am actually a hoarder of information. This means I constantly (obsessively) double check information I have known, thereby retain these pieces of information longer than what an ordinary person is capable of. One exemple is that I have very good memory for numbers. To start with, I can remember virtually all my classmates’ birthday or test result by seeing/hearing/knowing it only once. Then these pieces of information would come to my mind all the time and by virtue of repetitive exposure, I can remember them for a long time. In the context of postcard collecting, such ‘gifted (or cursed)’ person would be constantly looking through or mentally recalling all of his/her received cards.

Just a bit of popularisation about those extremely unusual people. I am not disagreeing your general comment :slight_smile:


I bet they still get duplicates, but funny thing is, do they really think everyone does this?
(I too like looking others collections, but sometimes Flickr does that it uploads the pictures in different speed. And some can be huge, and others tiny. I don’t know if the “fault” is how those are scanned there, or my connection, but still that’s not something I will wait if I’m in a writing mood, and not waiting mood :smile: )

Here my two latest from Australia

There was no way to avoid this!
Think if they had gone through all my cards, and then same card appears :smile:

I really don’t mind getting same card, these especially I love both :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Oh my… I liked every card I received and hope to receive…just a happy and nice card in the mail is so much fun​:grinning::tulip:


I’m not looking through your received cards, I’m just not. Looking at cards received from the US, where I am from, or from Germany (!) - nope, no way.

I used to do it when I lived in Turkey because there were not many cards to look at, but that’s the only time.