Sending A Disliked Card

What would you do if you sent a card that you thought the postcrosser would like…only to find out in the later part of the profile writeup that he/she doesn’t?

I have been sending postcards for 6 years and have just picked a profile that had quite a list of likes and dislikes. I have no issues with that.

The thing was, I read the profile too quickly (my bad.) and settled with a maxicard which I had designed and had them professionally printed. I also send the same maxicard to my colleagues and relatives and friends to wish them a happy Year of the Ox.

The user is very fond of maxicards (It’s on the favourite list of card themes) but is not okay with animals, flowers and handmade/self-printed ones. My maxicard happened to fulfil all three - although I personally would not classify my card as a self-print. I only found out about the massive disdain for those postcard themes after I wrote the postcrosser’s address and ID on the postcard.

I am going to send the card anyway, since the address and ID are already on the card. I did write an apology and I offered to send her one more card if the postcard irked her.

I know that in Postcrossing, we should all take joy in sending and receiving cards; that we should love all cards that arrive safely in our mailbox, as long as it is of acceptable card stock. I also am aware that everyone has different motivations in starting their Postcrossing journey. And yes, I do know that a person’s likes and dislikes should just be regarded as guidelines and you do not have to follow them to the T.

Yet, I cannot help myself but feel really apologetic that I was not able to align my sent card to her preferred list.

What would you do if you were in the same situation as me?


I’ve had similar things happen–like when someone has contradictory wishes (They like Harry Potter but they also hate kids! Except Harry Potter is a kid!) or when I accidentally put on stamps with a motif that they don’t like. I just shrug it off and send it.

The worst that can happen is that they receive it, they write me an apoplectic screed, destroy the postcard, and attempt to report me to the Postcrossing administrators. But in the end, I would have followed the rules even though someone’s sensibilities have been riled. There are more important things in the world to worry about than getting unnecessarily worked up about an attempt to make someone’s mailbox happy.


The postcards that I send are all multi-view cards from my own photographs. I often see “No multi-views” on profiles, so I just apologize, but explain why I thought they would like the card (because the photos are of something they like; travel, animals, etc…). They are also technically “hand made”, but I have them commercially printed on high quality paper. I always write a personal message about the photos and I have gotten lovely feedback, so far. :blush: At the end of the day, sending mail to strangers is a lovely gesture and will most likely be taken that way! :heart:


Don’t know what to tell you. I personally prefer store-bought cards, preferring not to received home-made stuff. That being so, if it were me, I would send a nice viewcard and call it a day.

You do your best & yes, we all miss stuff in profiles - sometimes they’re not so clearly written too. And remember we can’t always fulfill people’s wishes - I don’t have any TV or movie cards, nor am I interested in getting any, so when I see that on people’s profiles, I have to go to Plan B - that’s just the way it is.

I mixed up 2 cards a while back - I had already addressed & stamped them, so I went ahead with them anyway because I didn’t want to waste a fair bit of postage or the cards - they were unique enough cards that saving them for later would be a very long time. So I made no apologies, just said a thought to the Postcrossing gods that I was sure thousands of others have done the same before me. I felt a bit bad, but when you’re sending lots of postcards it happens eh? I vowed to be even more super careful the next time I do multiple cards at once, lol

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Don’t know what to tell you. I personally prefer store-bought cards, preferring not to received home-made stuff. That being so, if it were me, I would send a nice viewcard and call it a day.

No worries about that!
I do send store-bought cards! It is just that I misread her profile at the beginning and wrote down her address on the kind of card that she does not prefer.

I will send the same person another view card, so she will be receiving two cards at the end of the day! :slight_smile:

I did something slightly similar once. The profile had irritated me a bit, long list of specific likes and dislikes, nothing about the person behind the profile. I finally settle for a card with local fruits, write it… then realise that the recipient wants standard size cards, and my card was long and rectangular. I wrote in tiny letters (I had already filled all the space) that sorry, there were too many requests to take note of and I had mistakenly chose a non-standard card (and yes it sounded a bit passive-aggressive on my part but it was honestly one of those profiles that take the fun out of it for me).

Fast forward several weeks (slooooow travel), the recipient had even changed the profile completely and it sounded incredibly pleasant by then (!), every wish was motivated with why those things mean something to this person, really nice. When my postcard was registered, she made no mention at all about the size of the card or anything, just about other things and we actually messaged back and forth a few times.

So I guess people don’t feel as strongly about things as they make it sound, at least sometimes anyway. I don’t know if the wrong size is a lesser sin than sending a handmade to those who dislike them, but it might be that the person is open enough to appreciate it - maybe they wouldn’t like that on a daily basis, but since that’s not all they get, it will be fine.

Also if they loooove maxicards, maybe they had never thought of a homemade maxicard and will marvel at this new experience.

So for me I would just leave it and send it (for all they know, you might not have anything else available and no opportunity to get it without effort). And if they hate you, tough, you’ll never have to interact with that person again, it is just a piece of paper with postage on, and it is a gift.

Your solution of sending out something else too is also a good idea, so they’ll get 2 cards and that’s okay. But I wouldn’t worry that much as I explained above :slight_smile:


I wouldn’t worry about it. I know it’s fun to try and find the perfect card for someone, based on their profile, but, really, the card you send is up to you. If someone has a long list of dislikes, they probably get a lot of cards that they don’t like. I’d say it’s their loss for being too picky.

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I state on my postcard that my least favorite cards are handcrafted cards. What I mean by that if someone crafts a card I prefer not to receive it. That is because some people are not as talented as they think they are or I just do not understand their kind of art.

However someone has professionally printed cards of their photos of good quality I am fine with that. Just this week I have received a card from a 80+ year old lady from the US who is an artist and had a picture she painted of a butterfly professionally printed. She also apologized for it and I told her, that I loved her card. It is not what I collect but it was nicely done and she put effort into it. No reason for me not to like a card like that.

I feel many people state they do not like handmade because of bad experience in what they received in the past.

I would say go for it and send your card.

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Objectively, wishlists on profiles are merely wishlists and should not be obligations that the Postcrosser who picked the profile must fulfil.

That said, sometimes the cards that we least expect can end up being our favourite ones. I am not a fan of multi-view cards, but I have received a few from time to time, and there is one that I quite like actually.

I believe that the message behind the image of the card is just as important as well. I usually focus more on the message than the actual image - it’s something which I realised after some time.

Anyway, even if you think you have the perfect postcard for someone that fits the theme(s) requested in the profile, sometimes the Postcrosser ends up not liking it that much either. We all have different opinions and we are entitled to these opinions, just that we should never have to be imposed by them or impose them on someone else.

My thoughts. :slight_smile:


I know some people are quite clear about what they don’t like - but sometimes you end up liking postcards that you didn’t know you would/wouldn’t think to write about on your profile (like @anon12415063 has said above.) For example I’ve recently done a direct swap with someone who offered me a postcard of the Czech Little Mole who I fell in love with when I visited Prague a few years ago but I wouldn’t think to ask for postcards of this character in my profile. It’s a nice surprise to receive whatever in my opinion!

I think as long as you haven’t done it maliciously - i.e. see that they hate getting cards with monkeys on them and deliberately send them a postcard with a monkey on it, it’s okay. We make mistakes, and try our best.

And yes - coming back to the idea that if you’ve sent a postcard with the right postage and put some thought into it, you’ve done what you’ve needed to do :slight_smile: You can’t please everyone all of the time.


Send joy along with it in your message on the back, then just send it. It is a gift to receive a message of joy from a stranger, no matter what the image.


You’re totally fine, I’d just let it go. At the very least, everyone should be grateful that we are able to exchange cards at all, and I’d bet that your thoughtfulness will shine through regardless =)

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Why does this person with a restrictive “no this and that” list rate a second card, while if the profile were more generous (with no “no” list), they would only get one?

I know you are only trying to make another person happy, and good on you for that. It just reinforces my belief that you should send one card and let it go, even if in hindsight you think the person may have preferred something else.


Yes! I hate contradictory wishes. I’ve had profiles that ask for nature but don’t want any plants or animals. So they want a sand dune, featureless ocean, or barren rocks? :puzzled:

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I understand that differently. One animal or one flower is not nature. Nature is more like the whole ecosystem. I would send such a person a natual landscape (as opposed to a non-natual lndscape. e.g. having a town in it). From the US I’d probably look for a card with some bisons in a valley or on the plains. That’s my understanding of nature, but of course everyone will have their own specific definition.

@vanvansx: In your situation (postage and address already on the card when I notice I selected a card the recipient may not like) I would basically do the same you did: Send the card and explain the mistake. I wouldn’t send a second card, which is a really nice thing you are doing! :heart:


I have an affection for Chinese Owl Pigeons but could care less about actual owls. I recently received a card with owls on it. The person wrote that they had misread my profile and thought I said I liked owls, and didn’t realize the mistake until it was too late. I thought this was really funny and charming and the card made me very happy. I think for many people it’s about the personal connection and not just fulfilling a wishlish.