"Aggressive" reply from an user

Maybe I am overreacting so I would be grateful if you could share your opinions here.
I recently agreed to do a private swap with a user. He mentioned he preferred to communicate via email and become friends, I didn’t pay much attention to that part so I agreed to a one-time postcard swap. Unfortunately, in the post office, they told me I can’t send mail to that country at the moment, because of Covid restrictions and other bureaucratic issues so I let him know.
His reply made me feel very uncomfortable. He basically didn’t believe my answer, told me his country is not closed and that he can send mail to my country. That in those cases I have to send the card to a friend and this friend will re-send it to his country, that this is “what everybody does here”. He also pressured me to do it as soon as possible because he’s closing his profile here.

I don’t like to be questioned or accused of lying, and even less that they put me under pressure because they “will delete or close the account and leave this place”.

Am I the only one who finds this aggressive and suspicious? :cold_sweat: He has my home address now and I really don’t feel comfortable. I never had any problems before with private swaps or with people here on Postcrossing.



First of all I have one question:
Has he already sent to you?
And who asked for that swap? You or he?


No idea, I gave him my address, he gave me his, and this was only 2 days ago. He didn’t say he sent mine.
He asked for the swap, he contacted me directly here on Postcrossing.

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Well, I don’t think he will fly 9300 km just to find your house.

If he hasn’t send the card yet, you can politely ask to terminate the swap.


Actually, of course, you should check the Postal Monitor beforehand and make sure that you can also send to the other country.
And you shouldn’t normally cancel a swap either.
But I think in this case it would be the best solution.
Since the user requested the swap, he should be the first to send it, and since he apparently hasn’t done so yet, no harm has been done.
Besides, it’s not fair of him to put you under so much pressure now.

The best thing to do is to write to him that you don’t want to send to another person and therefore want to cancel the swap.

Of course, this is only my personal opinion - other users may see it differently.


I checked in the local post office, went there personally.
Oh well, you are right. I sent him a message saying I don’t feel comfortable doing this anymore and I already changed my settings in my profile - no more private swaps.
Thanks for the input :slight_smile:


So it doesn‘t matter if he decides to close the account ad there is nothing to register. I think you max politely state that under these conditions you would like to cancel the swap.

Yes, he has your address, but surely he will not make an effort to bother you at home just for a postcard (he is in another country, right?). And even if he already sent his card - you informed in due time about postal problems that are not caused by you, and there is no obligation for you to send a card via another person.


There was this girl in the US I met in a travel forum. Long story short, “she” turned out to be a 46-year-old guy. I reported him and the admin found out he was an ex-convict in Florida who spent some time in the court because of stalking/harassment. He was banned from the forum but he kept sending me letters and packages for months (that I returned every time). I know it is highly improbable that a random guy crosses the world to knock on my door but just saying… I’ve had my bad experiences.

Thank you all for the advice.


Hi Galerna, I find his behavior bullying and aggressive - and would stop any contact with him, after stating once you want to cancel the swap. In case he should continue to contact you, just ignore. And to his “threat” he’s going to cancel his profile here - sounds like a good thing for all … or to me it does.

Professionals dealing with stalking usually advice to not react at all. It’s what they adviced in my region.


Don’t allow yourself to be bullied.

Report, block, ignore, move on.

Perhaps keep all direct swap communication within the PC forum and messages in the future.


You’re not overreacting, he shouldn’t react this was to you.

If he offered the swap and didn’t tell if he already sent a card to you, you don’t owe him anything. Even if he did send it, you have right to cancel sending yours as this is a private swap, not official, and you find the situation uncomfortble (for a good reason).

I would report him and tell politely but firmly that you want to cancel the swap. You don’t need an explanation.


What a sucky situation, I would just ignore him.
I’m feeling uneasy too, because I have a postcrosser spamming me, sending weird and “messy” messages telling me to give my address to him, because he wants to swap. His profile seems sketchy to me, so I want no contact with him. You would think he’d realize to stop messaging after getting no replies… :woman_facepalming:t3: :woman_facepalming:t3:


I would be a little alarmed of this part too (trying to hurry you).

If it’s a private swap, it won’t matter to their profile, right? If it somehow matters, doesn’t he want his swap to arrive to you too before closing his account?

If he asked for the swap, it is normal that you even wait for his card to arrive before sending yours.

I would ask if he sent his card, and if yes, tell that I will send mine via our post when it’s possible. Not involve any more persons.
If he didn’t send it, then you just don’t swap. This things happen when there is (changing) mail restrictions.

And, even if you chose to keep “yes” to private swaps, you don’t need to swap with anyone who asks.

This I would maybe answer once and write, I said no, and if you contact me again I will report your profile for spamming. But if he already spams, just report, it’s easiest. And turn their e-mail to junk folder.


This guy also asked me for my private address!! He says he needs my personal email urgently to communicate via private email because he is leaving Postcrossing soon and later on it won’t be possible to reach him, and he wants to be friends. So, so weird. I of course refused to give him my private email.


Exactly! It shouldn’t matter if he leaves or not.
I googled his user ID and he is on a pen pal site leaving similar messages to women, like “write me to my address immediately because I am closing this profile soon”. I have a very bad feeling about him, honestly, although I have no strong evidence to prove it.


If it feels wrong, it is wrong !!!


Thats awful Galerna and a shame if it affects your enjoyment. Maybe better using a Round Robin where we get to know each other a bit/not such a big circle? Just an idea. Many Themes is a good one with small groups. Pease do shout out if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable !


I’m sorry but here my alarms would have literally screamed already! In your case I would have politely declined. No exchanges of private email addresses.
And yes, I was asked for direct swaps as well (even though my profile says I’m not interested) but I checked those people closely and also the postal monitor. It took a while to find the necessity of the latter one, but I am really grateful that postcrossing provides such service. My direct swaps were great so far but I would not instantly say yes to every request. Take your time. You don’t have to. :slightly_smiling_face:

Personally I find it strange to (desperately) want to be friends with another stranger on the internet immediately. And then why leave postcrossing altogether? Doesn’t make sense to me. In such cases I shut the conversation down asap.


His attempt doesn’t sound very friendly to me :smile: . Jokes aside, I would report him. And I would report @Maikki 's spammer too.


So weird and creepy :confounded: In my case I did report this guy, but looks like there’s not much to do about it, because I was asked to send screenshots of his messages, but sadly I had already deleted them.
I guess I have to change my profile to “not interested in direct swaps” and see if that helps.