Hi everyone. A few months have passed since I started this thread, and I wanted to circle back and share what I have learned about fostering connection through Postcrossing in case someone else is wrestling with this same issue. I thank you for all of your comments - they have been instrumental to turning around my Postcrossing experience!
When Sending a card:
- Try to tailor the card to the recipient. My postcard collection is now a shoe-box full of different images, subjects, and styles. Ditto my stamp collection! I now understand why so many people say that their favorite part is picking out the “perfect” card and stamps for the recipients!
- Decorate the card. I feel I am still a bit weak in this area, but I am working on it!
- Write a thoughtful, kind, specific, in-depth, personal message. Give someone a window into my world / thoughts. This is where I have changed the most. I just assumed people didn’t want to hear about me, so I shared facts related to the area in which I live, the weather, etc. Now, I love when people have writing prompts I can respond to, or there is something in their profile I can relate to, but if I get someone who states “write about anything” I’ve learned to share a personal story. It was a lightbulb moment for me when I was given such a person. That particular day would have been my grandfather’s birthday. I wrote a postcard talking about my grandfather and some of the things he taught me when I was little. I felt such an intense bond with this person that hadn’t even received my card yet!
- Always ask a question. This has been huge. I try to ask a question on every card I send. It can be small and specific (“Your profile says you like bridges, do you have a favorite?”), or it can be broad (“Your profile says you have received more than x hundred cards, which ones stand out in your mind as favorites?”). Around 40-50% of people answer my question in the Hurrah! message. Sometimes the response is so warm, friendly, and/or interesting that I reply to their message and ask more questions. We may go a few rounds like this. They are free to ignore my questions and drop the conversation at any point. It doesn’t bother me when they do. It is this bit of back-and-forth conversation that I find to be very connecting.
When receiving a card:
- Write a warm Hurrah! message expressing appreciation for the card. Particularly mention the content of the message, the stamps, the decoration, and the postcard itself - as the situation warrants. Point out what I particularly liked about the card and how I felt when I found it in my mailbox.
*In my profile, I have a series of writing prompts that people can choose from, if they wish. I also promise that if someone writes about one of my prompts, I will send them my answer to the same prompt in the Hurrah! message. This has generated conversational gold, sometimes with several rounds of messages and replys.
*Ask a question in the Hurrah! message. Yes, this one is a bit weird. I am a very curious person, and I often find that I think of questions about something someone wrote on a postcard or about the person themselves. I try to ask a question in each Hurrah! message I send. About 40% of people reply to the message. Again, if their reply is sufficiently warm and/or interesting, I may reply with another question. This goes on until someone drops the conversation, which I am fine with.
In general:
- I have found that the bulk of people on Postcrossing are interesting in connection. I think a lot of them, like me, struggled with how to be more connecting through a single postcard and reply Hurrah! message. I view my questions as me opening a door. Each person is free to either walk through it or not. The people wanting connection, too, will walk through it.
- View each postcard as a little “gift.” If I am sending a postcard, I want my gift to be just what the recipient wanted. I want it to delight them. When I receive a postcard, I view it as a gift from a complete stranger that took the time to create something just for me. I try to express my gratitude in my Hurrah! message.
- Have low expectations. That is something good to keep in mind. I like the analogy of treating it like a “bus stop” conversation. I would just like to add that just because you have low expectations doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try for more in an exchange. If you send a card with low expectations, and you didn’t put much effort into it (because of said low expectations), then your low expectations will likely be self-fulfilling.
Please chime in if you have additional thoughts on the subject. Thank you, again for everyone who commented. You gave me what I was missing from my early attempts at Postcrossing!
With Gratitude,
Theresa
Seeing all these passionate people and interacting with them is so inspiring!