Why did you stop a Postcardpal-/Penpalship?

I once had a penpal. But then I stopped having fun and was just not happy with the concept.
I wrote this honestly in a letter to her, to let her know it was me who didn’t like the concept. Since then I have not gotten a new penpal and I am not planning to.
I think it sucks when people stop writing but don’t let the other party know. Even when you want to quite because your busy you can send a small note telling them that right? :woman_shrugging:

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I thought this about ghosting-like disappearing.
Sometimes I’ve written when I knew I won’t write with them anymore, very general “there is too much in my life right now, so I think it’s fair to let you know I’m stopping letter writing with most people”. But few people took this bad, asking what exactly is happening, they deserve better reason, can’t I write every three weeks, once a month, why didn’t I say anything earlier, they had things happening and still managed to write, why others are more important…

It doesn’t sound so bad, but felt little too clingy and accusative, not respecting my decision. So if there’s experience like this, it’s much easier just not say anything.

Not always. Sometimes the “busy” changes all life and when you would have a moment to pick up the pen, write and mail, you are too tired to even think that. Or you wrote the note, but never remember to mail it.

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Hello! I’ve tried several times to start an exchange of letters. The longest correspondence was 3 letters. It’s easy for me to write when there are questions addressed to me in the emails. But more often I received letters - essays. It’s very interesting to read, but hard to write the answer. I once took too long to write a reply and decided it was too late to send it.

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Some years ago I ended some postcardspalships because I went through a very rough time and as it was just every now and then I decided to end so at least some things less I had to think about.

I lost also some of my penpals as they had no understanding that it will take me some time to write back (we’re talking about some months, not years, to make it clear) - they simple ignored me when I wrote them again, one told me she can hardly remember me (after 4 or 5 months!).
A “very nice” way :smirk:
Meanwhile I’m happy to have lost them, for me they are neither friends nor pals.

I always wrote the truth when I had to end a palship, I hate being ignored and not to know what’s going on.

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I think a good penpal must like read and write. She or he can describe what she/he saw and heard, not just where I went and I was happy and all that crap.

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I’ve never ended a penpal exchange. It was always the other person. In general, I think it’s kinda rude to just ghost them without telling them why. After all, the other person has invested time into the relationship and maybe some emotional attachment, so it would be rude to just ghost them. Especially with letters, it can take long for the letter to arrive, so there’s alway a long period of hoping, looking forward to the answer, then doubting whether they reply until you finally accept they won’t - this phase without closure was always unpleasant for me.

As a child, I once had a pen pal, but she stopped replying after a year or so. I don’t know why.

Also, after I went from elementary school to high school, one of my elementary sschool teachers and I wrote some letters back and forth (she retired the same year I finished elementary school, so she had a lot of free time), but she also stopped replying after a while, maybe she just forgot or became ill or too busy, I don’t know.

But now I have a new pen pal and hope we will keep this going for a long time and that he’d tell me if he wants to stop.

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I am feeling sorry but I used to end a penpalship with someone on the forum, it was many years ago. It is because that I can not read his handwriting. I tried but it is hard to read.
For other penpals, we are communicating very well. It has been 10 years since me and my three penpals start the penpalship. We write, we share and we witness each other’s Important moments of the life. It is so good to upgrade the penpalship into good friendship!

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As a child I had lots of penpals and about 15 years ago (then in my 40s), I wanted to start writing again. But my new penpals were so demanding. Writing on expensive stationary is a must, exchanging gifts is a must, writing at least 5 to 6 pages is a must, writing at least twice or three times a month is a must. Too many “musts” for me. I wanted to keep it easy and fun, but I felt pressured and wasn’t able to fullfill my new penpals’ expectations. - And then I found Postcrossing. Now I decide how often I ask for an address and how many addresses I take at the same time, if I make a break for some weeks because I’m not in the mood for writing … and so on.

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I lost a lot of pen pals and international friends when I went through several years of chaos in my life. Just doing the basics - going to work, eating, getting dressed, surving - took every bit of energy I had, and during those 2 years, if I wasn’t at work or taking very basic care of myself, I was in bed resting so I’d have energy to do those basics. I couldn’t write, and even if I’d had the energy at that time, I don’t think I could have thought of what to write. None of my friends who I had met when I lived abroad and had felt close to reached out during that time, and I lost touch with my pen pals. When that time was over and I came out of it, I felt too hurt by my friends not reaching out to me and to embarrassed that they thought I’d ghosted them and that I’d been in such a bad space. Now, many, many years later, I’m in a much better space and understand what happened back then, and I could and would have handled it differently, if only to send a card saying, “I’m really sick right now, but I’ll write more when I feel better,” and a Christmas card every year for time it took me to get completely back.

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A penpal I stopped responding to continually used fake stamps so I’d have to pay to receive their letters. I stopped paying and they stopped writing.

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I got sick and never reveal much. Then I couldnt find the letter. I did years later. Anna from Poland. It was a great letter. I regret not answering.

A flight attendant from Colorado. I hope hes OK. Im sure he is flying in the air now. Last contact I made i Sent a postcard from a stamp show I went to in 2022. I hope I had the right unit number. Raul hope all is well.

Im a guy so not too many people write to guys. Esp here. So I cherish the ones I have left. Im slowly replying. Only because I have several things planned for this year.