The social value of cards and letters in your private life

[valholl]

I write letters and postcards to friends and family, at least sporadically, and almost everybody replies to me saying that they really appreciated receiving them. via chat.

And it’s fine, chat is what we’re using to communicate most of the time anyway, and for many things it is better than the post, and I’ve enjoyed writing and they’ve enjoyed receiving, so the total amount of happiness has increased even if they never write me a reply on paper.

The important bit is that there is enough feedback to know that I’m not wasting my time, it doesn’t matter how I get it.

Also, writing on paper does take time and effort, and I understand that not everybody has either to spare, and an answer on a low-effort medium is much better than no answer at all.

Of course I also like receiving letters and cards, but, well, I did look for a few penpals in groups of writing-related enthusiasts for that

[Jarulf]

I’m not on any social media, I deleted my FB account several years ago and have have had an on/off relationship with Twitter. I’ve never been on Instagram, but have tried out various smaller, less well-known alternatives to FB. But I just don’t like it. I either get no friends/followers or hundreds of people I have no idea who they are.
And as I don’t really have any IRL friends, and my relatives aren’t very active either on social media there is little to draw me in.
I think social media can often be just as harmful as it is helpful. The idea of social media is great, how it actually works often leaves a little to be desired.

I started Postcrossing on New Years Day of 2021, and while I’ve already had several long breaks, I’ve enjoyed myself here. I do miss having more of a back and forth conversation, but I’m terrible at writing letters, especially to strangers (also a bit self-conscious about my less than great handwriting). But postcards, that I can manage. So I posted here on the forum that I was looking for a few postcard friends, and after only a few hours I had several people responding, which actually surprise me. I didn’t do a great job of ‘selling’ myself.
It’ll be interesting to see how that develops, once we get to know each other better.
I also send the occasional card for birthdays to family.

I’m not sure I actually had point with this post, except perhaps that postcards (and letters, of course) can be one way out of a feeling of isolation and loneliness. It may not help completely, but I think it can be a much better tool than social media for a lot of people.

[Molletje]

@valholl
I agree that feedback, even via chat, is better than no feedback. That they appreciate it and let them know is very nice. And who knows, one day they will send a card. Even if it’s just once. I hope so for you.

@Jarulf
I’m glad you found postcrossing. And what a great idea to find people here to write cards with on a regular basis. That’s a good idea.

What you write is exactly what this thread is about. This is the social value it has for you. That by writing cards you get more and better contact with people. And who knows how it goes and what it will bring you.

@Jarulf

I’m not sure I actually had point with this post, except perhaps that postcards (and letters, of course) can be one way out of a feeling of isolation and loneliness. It may not help completely, but I think it can be a much better tool than social media for a lot of people.

I think that too (can be one way out of a feeling of isolation and loneliness) and in the reactions of some others I read that too. That they feel alone, have few contacts, etc.

[x87y]

Hello world. In college, I completed an additional specialized course in practical psychology. Now I am an educator and I can confidently say that postcrossing is an excellent therapy! With the help of postcrossing, you can fight depression, postcrossing helps to get used to a new place of residence, especially for Emigrants ! Postcrossing helps to realize creativity. I wish everyone a pleasant postcrossing! Sorry for my English, I don’t know it at all

[Vavinie]

Hey, thank you for starting such an interesting topic!

I love writing mail since I was a little kid. I always wrote every friend/grandparent a card when I was on holidays. Sometimes I got some back, sometimes not. But I loved the writing and imagining the surprised faces of the recipients.

As I got older I also send birthday cards and christmas cards and sometimes a card to cheer someone up/ congratulate someone or just because.

Then at universitiy I made a great friend. We both love mail so we send eachother letters/postcards regualary.

I now also get postcards back from most of my friends. Even the ones that dont really send mail, sometimes send me something and I really appreciate it.

I love opening the mailbox and finding nice cards inside. It gets me so excited and happy. I always want to create that feeling for my friends too

[Molletje]

In August I started The Friends Club so we can send each other cards
with birthdays and other events in our lives.

[Izzy2018]

I still send long hand written letters to a few friends and relatives, people who write back. In the begining FB seemed a great way to be in touch but now it’s just ads and nasty politics so I rarely post. It’s sad to have so little communication with others…

[DianaJo]

Like I said in my post I left FB a while ago. Three of my FB friends (who I actually know irl) have reached out in 2 years. I’ve seen 2 of them in person and only 1 a couple times. I think leaving social media really lets you know which of the humans you interact with there value you or are willing to make an effort. It’s somewhat painful to me because I knew 95% of the people on my friends list in the real world through school, work or kids and only kept people on that list I genuinely cared about or valued. It is what it is though and I don’t have hard feelings about it. I do know I’m better able to focus my emotional and mental energy on people who actually do the same for me now.

[IvySwan]

I literally didnt have any friends until coming in contact with an old dear friend about a month ago. Postcrossing was and is such an important thing for me. I like making people happy with postcards and I am excited to read what other postcrossers have written for me.
It’s my way of making contact with the outside world which is very hard for me due to many different disabilities

[clubpostcards]

Hello,

I have never had Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I do not need them now. I have been a postal person since age 13, writing both in Japanese and English to my penpals.

I now have one Japanese penpal and quite many penpals in overseas. One of them is from Estonia, same age as me, and when we were around 14, Estonia got independent, so we have postally known each other for over 30 years. It is my dream to meet her in person. Postal mails, especially letters, mean a lot to me. Of course, I like postcards a lot too but for me, letters tend to touch my heart more due to my experiences until now.

And thank you Postcrossing

[Molletje]

It is sad to read that so many of us have few or no friends. It does me good to read that we do have friendships or nice contacts through letters and postcards.

But it is still strange that we sometimes have more contact with people thousands of miles away via letters, than with, for example, our own neighbors or people we have met in our lives and who live close by.

Now that I’ve been sending letters and emails with pen pals for a while, I’m starting to feel better and better. It means a lot to me. Sometimes you have days when you feel less happy, and then it is extra nice to receive a nice letter.

I have heard nothing more from the ca 40 people on Facebook. I only have contact with two people. I talk with them when I see them in the village. With them the conversations are better now. There is more contact, more conversations and different kinds of conversations.

[Seracker]

I used to have FB - but it’s now deactivated.
I use Instagram to follow people I like, but I do not post stuff.
I would say I am a little anti social media?

I try to utilise our local postal system whenever I can - it supports something that I really like.
There is warmth in spending the time to write and post a letter or postcard. In Chinese there is a lyric I really like: 從前的日色變得慢 車 馬 郵件都慢 一生只夠愛一個人 (In the past, the day turned dark slowly, cars, horses, mail were all slow. You could only love one person in one life)
I also hope that my recipient feels happy to see something that isn’t bills or ads in their mailbox.
I am over the moon if they decide to reply, but it’s not a necessity. After all, mailing stuff in itself already brings me joy - any other replies I get is an added bonus.
Sometimes I will send little notes, or candy when my friends need some cheer. I designed a postcard that I could send to them, to remind them that they are not alone.

My friends and family jokingly call me ancient because of my love for snail mail. Sometimes they write me back (after umpteen coaxing). But I do get birthday notes on occasion.
I find that providing supplies can help nudge people into sending mail - sometimes they would like to write, but don’t have envelopes/stamps on hand, and find it a hassle to go out and purchase supplies.

I believe that postcards and letters have a social value - what is communication, if not to express one’s thoughts and feelings? I find that I express myself better on paper, and so I prefer to write over say, speaking on the phone.

[Molletje]

@Seracker Wow. I am speechless. What you say is very nice and I totally agree with you.
And your friends are lucky with you. I wish I had a friend like you.

[Molletje]

Just to let you know how it goes, 2,5 months after I started the topic.

I now have a group of great friends via letter and/or e-mail, and I am very happy with them.
And I sent and received some cards with wonderful people who wanted to support me.
My mailbox is not often empty anymore. And because of “The Friends Club” I’m not celebrating my birthday alone this year, for the first time in years.

But in real life, here in the village where I live, I hardly see or speak to anyone. Sometimes in the supermarket or on the road when I go shopping. Someone I meet by chance. I have more contact with my pen pals abroad than with my upstairs neighbor or a good neighbor in the street.

When I speak to someone “in real life”, face to face, the conversations are better. We have something to tell each other again. It’s weird because I never wrote much on Facebook. But it seems like if you didn’t write it on FB it wouldn’t be there. But there is so much more than what you write or read on FB.

So if I only wrote about f.ex. nature, then apparently that was the only thing in my life, then people didn’t think about other things. And now that people don’t see those messages anymore, people are suddenly interested in everything about me again.

As if people first thought: what should we talk about, what did she write on Facebook, oh nature. I don’t know what to say about nature. And now that they don’t see me on Facebook anymore, they think more openly: what shall we talk about, what can I ask?

I had a conversation with the employee at the store when I bought stamps. She wanted to give me ugly price stickers instead of real stamps. I talked with her about postcrossing and she was very interested. And a little jealous “Others only get bills and you get so much nice mail!”

But because of the letters and e-mails I get, I feel much beter. It takes some time, but it grows with each letter. I have the feeling that I have contact with people again and that I exist again. And I also feel that I can be a friend to others. That is also important and valuable to me. So it really means a lot to me. Thank you very much everyone.

[dozugeo]

I used to write postcards to all of my friends when I was a kid, every time I was traveling with my family. Also to my grandparents, aunt, … It was a family thing, that mom, dad, my sisters and me went to the store and selected some nice postcards and then assign who gets to write to which relative and then some friends in addition. My grandparents also used to send me postcards. I really liked this. But since me and my friends all got smartphones, hardly anyone writes postcards anymore.

I have one friend who sends me postcards when she travels, and one pen pal who also sends me postcards. From family members I almost never get postcards - my aunt only posts pictures on Instagram, my grandma is too ill to travel, my other grandparents are too old, so they hardly travel anymore… although they do send a letter on my birthday sometimes.
Christmas cards I don’t send much because I see my family all united on Christmas, so I can give them a gift personally.

But I recently started postcrossing because I used to love finding all the postcards from my friends in the mailbox and I enjoyed writing to people. A handwritten card is more meaningful than a social media post precisely because it takes longer to write, send, you go to the store and select a nice card that you think this person would like to receive.
Also, I think it’s better for self-esteem because it’s just between me and the sender: there is no dimension of likes, comments, popularity, followers… just a kind gesture that says you’ve been thinking of this friend or relative.

I actually am considering to make it my birthday wish: I don’t wish for material gifts or money, I want everyone to send me at least three postcards or letters this year. That would be cool and I think it can make me reconnect in a better way with some people.