Hard to Please?

…if threre was disappointment already before, caused by a question or request.

No, if the sender feels something is important and the addressee does not feel that at all and does not react on that.

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Depends, what kind or question it is. Maybe ignoring is the mildest and politest thing what to do with it.

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Communication:
what A thinks - what A says/writes <–> what B hears/reads - what B interprets

And now take all possible differences into account, like age, mood, gender, cultural, language skills both in general and in foreign language, lack of mimic and tone (when text only) …

… it’s a miracle that human communication works at all :smirk:

(in this recent case: was it an accusation for real, or a misworded try to remind of the question?; for A the question was rather general, for B very important and clearly answer-worthy, apparently; A was the nicest way possible, B didn’t read it like that, …
and, as always: we outsiders only know some quotes of one side (don’t wanna accuse; only reminding that a fair verdict follows both sides involved))

My personal conclusion: A has of course the right to feel deflated and now has to decide how to deal with this feeling (move on; confront again; forgetting; remembering; …). B isn’t a proven monster, though

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Thank you to everyone for the advice - all very gratefully received. I think what I have taken from this (apart from (a) how supportive this forum is and (b) the need to be a little more resilient as far as this wonderful hobby is concerned) is to pay more attention to the text side of the card in my thank-you messages.

Thanks again, one and all, much appreciated.

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8 years and I haven’t found any wishlists that I find offensive. The only times I haven’t wanted to write is when people want cards of a bizarrely niche topic like watercolor dogs (and only 10x15cm!). I designate them low priority cause it’s going to be a waste of $1.20 anyway. People sure are weird

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No.
They are not “weird”.
They only allow themselves to have different preferences than you.
And it is for sure not a waste of time and money to send them a card.

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It is absolutely a waste of time and money. Preferences are fine. I have preferences, you have preferences. Demands are not fine. “Don’t send me this, don’t send me that, I only want XYZ and it has to be 123.” I would much rather spend postage on someone who isn’t an ingrate.

Every time I have sent a card that doesn’t match that kind of person’s niche demand list, they have, without fail, not written a thank you response when registering. This is not a site for collectors’ demands, it’s for interacting with people.

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well to be honest i have a bunch of average tourist cards i send to people with difficult wishes i can’t fulfill. but i have never for a second thought not to send someone a card or that it’s a waste. worst case scenario you get a wonderful card back from someone else.
also recently i sent someone one of those cards that i was sure the receiver would not be happy with (and maybe they weren’t) but i got a long and kind hurray message back. so you never know, people might surprise you.

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Absolutely. I’ve been nothing but amazed at people’s generosity and kindness on this site. I’ve made many close friends that just started with a random card.

People with difficult wishes are fine - I have around 2,000 cards to send to people, and I can find something for almost everyone. I only meant demanding people with strict wants. They’re rare. I’ve come across maybe 5 in my time here, including a user who says they throw out cards they don’t want or need. They suck the fun out of this project.

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I think this can often be a language thing. This may be how the person’s native language and culture presents wishes. I have had a few profiles that had what felt like very strict wishes. I never had those special cards but I often received very nice hurray messages.

Of course, I have also had a few not very nice profiles with incredibly long and specific lists of demands where the person was only sending one type of card to everyone. I just pick a random card from my stash and mail it. I don’t think it is a big deal as long as they register every card.

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Well two and a bit years in, I’ve finally got round to some of those Hard to Please profiles,

Out of my last 10 postcards, Three have been blank Hurray’s and two have be been just a ‘Thanks’ and one a ‘why did you send me so & so postcard

For most I didn’t have a card to suit their suggestions, so went with neutral themed card close to their suggestions and wrote about an in-common subject. Adapting my writing if appropriate.

Just disappointing you spend that time and effort writing and in most circumstances using nice stamps, only to get a blank or now a rudely written hurray.
In the deleted email box they go

Maybe it’s time for a break.

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I think the ones who send rude messages need a break.

Just “thanks” I understand, empty is a little weird, but rude I don’t understand.
I was curious and looked what kind of cards you send, and I would’ve liked every one of them. I wonder what some people are expecting to get :frowning:

Maybe it’s also ok to let the postcrossing team know, if the hurray’s are rude.
To my understanding, part of the fun is the surprise, that you can get any kind of card :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:.

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@maddymail
i think it is totally alright to have some break off official postcrossing. i have been off from it for a while now myself.

i have been a member for 10 years now and still find it rather hard to please people generally on official postcrossing. Most of japanese view cards are temples and shrines and many many people are not really interested in them, which is rather sad. lots of people ask beautiful views but in japan it is not so easy to get japanese beautiful viewcards, especially nature views. . . . . but in other countries beautiful nature viewcards are pretty easy to get, which does seem rather unfair for members in japan. . . . .

the wonderful thing about postcrossing is we also have tags, RR, trades, etc. so you can focus on them as they are more stress-free :slight_smile:

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Yes

I could only speak for myself but I always thought that Japan has a beautiful nature and architecture and it’s easy for Japanese postcrossers to find pretty viewcards or tourist cards. I wonder how many people will agree to your or my opinion.
I always thought that nature card from Belarus are boring but people from Postcrossing seems to like and favourite those cards as much as any other card. Maybe we both should be less harsh about our countries nature and postcards :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I was just going to post how disappointed I am when I get the “I didnt have anything on your list blah, blah, blah…” I dont appreciate being shamed and blamed. I register and say thanks, but wonder why they felt the need to be so hurtful.

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Ha! I think I have some Wisconsin cow cards that may have rainbows! Not sure about those matching stamps. Thanks for this funny scenario :slight_smile:

@kafkaisnotdead
thank you for your generous reponse. well, so this is hard to please? thread. . . actually, actually, i was once or twice told on the official cards to me by the senders, written, ‘it was rather difficult to choose a card for you.’ that is when i had quite a long preferences on cards. i kind of appreciated that they wrote and told me otherwise i would not have known my profile was confusing to them. now i decided not to have preferences like before and let them have more freedom to send any card they have, except 3 little no’s. but like i mentioned above, on official postcrossing, when it comes to sending myself, i still find it rather hard to please people generally even after 10 years of membership and i have been off from it for a while now. . . . .

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@clubpostcards response got me thinking about something that bothered me for a long time, maybe people in this thread could help me.

For you what looks like profile of the person who’s hard to please - profile with long list of interests with some easy and not so easy cards to find or profile with short list? I personally prefer longer lists since you have more chances to find what will make person extra happy. And, even if you don’t have right card, you have more topics to talk about. But it seems like it’s not like that for everyone.
(For the record, I don’t talk about lists of demands, just about lists of postcard interests)

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