Don't want to send post card to a member

Has this happened to you? I contacted the support but they just said I should mail them anyway even though I clearly stated that I do not want because of personal reasons.

Kind Regards,



No, it didn’t happen. Although sometimes I’ve thought my card is a waste, because they only like one type of card, which I didn’t have.

When you have chosen to take the address, you already have agreed to send the card.
Unless it’s something very bad in their profile (which you could report to the Postcrossing team), you can’t choose only the profiles that you like.

Send the card, and take another address, hoping it to be much better :slight_smile:

I don’t know what kind of personal reasons can be, but maybe try to think, that might be misunderstanding, or the things that make you think is personal, is only general, not targeted to you specially. Or, it’s only an opinion?


They write in their profile among their interest are urinals. I was offended.

Toilet and urinal are popular wishes in Postcrossing.
I also thought it’s weird but what can I say :man_shrugging: :woman_shrugging: People love them.

Look at this thread about weird wishes


Maybe the person should have written, she would like a postcard of the Duchamp fountain - the french word fountain sounds really nicer!


Thank you guys for your answers. I just felt I didn’t want to waste time sending a post card to someone who makes me feel wierd. That’s a form of gaslighting which I know too well.

To be honest for me it feels even more weird if someone thinks about not sending me a postcard (which one is obliged to do!) just because they think I have a weird wish on my wishlist (which is…just a wishlist and nothing more) :thinking:


if you’re offended by urinals you might be having a hard time at postcrossing.


Maybe it helps to remember you don’t have to write anything on the card. You can write the address and ID, put a stamp on it and put it into the mailbox. Not much time wasted.
The person didn’t mean to offend you, they’re just interested in something different than you. If they had written something sexist or racist, it’d be different, but it’s just about a wish here, if I understand correctly. There are many people who like different things here, just let it go if you don’t agree. It’s a one-time connection and you won’t be interacting with them again afterwards. But as others wrote, you agreed to send a card to the random address you were given.
I’ve encountered people with whose opinions I didn’t agree as well. I just sent them a view card on which I wished them a nice day and was done with it. Again, no need to tell them something personal if you don’t feel comfortable.


Does it offend you that a good chunk of the postcrossers you send to otherwise (up to a fifth maybe?) use urinals or is it just the fact that someone would like them? Nearly all of us use a toilet too!

I have been offended by profiles before but I have still sent a card. It’s mostly been people who write about Jesus like it was his profile instead. I’ve had people ask for cards to do with dictators and diseases! If you don’t understand it or if you don’t like it, just pick a random card and write about the weather.


Sorry to be blunt, but I agree with this. Urinals might probably already be one of the milder topics of interest. There might be other more macabre ones.

Anyway, who are we to judge people for what they like? There might be something you like that you think is normal, but others may beg to differ. Rather than judge and feel offended, why not try to keep an open mind? If you really don’t like it, then don’t talk about it, but you don’t have to show your ‘animosity’ towards the person either. Besides, this is just a one-off profile, and just send a generic postcard and look forward to drawing other profiles in future.

If you think there might be an issue with the Postcrosser, then report the account and the Postcrossing team will evaluate and take action on their end. The action is not for you to take. If you choose not to send the card, then you will become the one at fault.


Huh? Someone just wrote a thing they are interested in on their profile.

How on Earth is that gaslighting?


I have to agree with my fellow postcrossers. I don’t really see a problem here. You don’t particularly like the profile you got because it mentions urinals as an interest. That’s totally okay. You don’t have to like the profile. But you do have to send a postcard. It doesn’t have to be according to the wishes stated in the profile and it doesn’t have to be your most precious or expensive postcard. Just any postcard. If it makes you feel better, send a postcard you don’t really like so much yourself. But please, send a postcard. That’s the spirit of postcrossing.
I got one or two profiles I didn’t like so much, myself, but hey, the probability that you’ll ever meet this person is very close to zero and you don’t have to completely agree with their opinions (*). Just send a postcard with some greetings and move on.

(*) Of course any racist, sexist and so on profiles should be reported!


I think its absolutely normal-all of us different and don’t need to wait that you will feel perfect connection with every postcrossing user.
Web site don’t obligate you to communicate with anyone, just send a postcard, as you agree before request an address. You even musnt write on a postcard anything personal- write “Happy postcrossing and forget”. Let it be the most terrible situation in your life :upside_down_face: People are weird, its fact :joy:


I am afraid, she has a hard time at all. I think it is more than just disliking something.

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You are offended by an everyday object? Really? Are you also offended by toilets? Sinks? Bathtubs? Or is it the people who are interested in everyday objects?
And HTF is this supposed to be a form of gaslighting? No one is making you feel weird on purpose. It’s just a wish!


I really don’t see the need to send an unwritten postcard just because a member expressed an interest in getting postcards of urinals. Was the entire profile about urinals? I guess not…
They might be interested in urinals from a design perspective or who knows, they are probably tired of getting beautiful postcards.


She thinks it’s profane, now a seed of doubt has been cast perhaps? Therefore she is being harmed in some way by an anonymous stranger online. It doesn’t make any sense to me given she doesn’t have to send a card with anything she doesn’t like on. I imagine it would be quite hard to find such a card anyway.

There is nothing wrong with bodily functions or related apparatus. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, sure, put it on a postcard. It’s not a particular wish of mine but I wouldn’t want to limit anyone here in terms of their preferences assuming there is no harm involved.

I am amused by this thought. I haven’t seen anything like it other than some profiles that discuss religion excessively. It would be fun to see a toilet enthusiast’s profile!


I agree with all that has been said, it’s a wish not a demand, it’s not directed at you personally and it does not profess a religion, it’s an interest more related to the design and curiosity than other. I participated at the “toilet tag” at the old forum and got some interesting postcards, some funny, some weird, some just normal.
I’m happy you wrote here because it’s a good thing to talk about our doubts, it helps many!


Interesting thread. i’ll have to look up what gaslighting is, must be a newfangled internet term I’m not familiar with.

One of the things i love about postcrossing is the opportunity to send some joy to a stranger. Its hard, because they really are a stranger, because i know so little about them and because they may totally mis-interpret whatever message i send, as i am sending it in my own language and not theirs (for all i know, you could be doing that with this message right now!). i try not to get too wrapped up in how hard it is, and just do my best to send some love.

I will say that i have about 3000 postcards on hand to try to do that with, but i am quite certain that i don’t have any urinals, bidets, sinks or bathtubs. i do have some nudes, which some people and some cultures find offensive, and i don’t have any religious cards. Those bring joy to some, but hatred, guilt and shame to others, so i choose to avoid them. i don’t have any breast-feeding cards either. Well the list could go on, there are inevitably more topics i don’t have than i do. The key for me is that i have a card that suits some interest of the recipient.

Often, i don’t. Then the joy has to come from the message i send, not the image on the card. In the end, i think that is what matters the most. The message on the card. Send love. Send joy. Send happiness. That is why i Postcross.